Dear Darklings,
I recently looked back at my old blog to see how far I’ve come. Though amateurish, it had spirit. Years ago, I wrote more often than I do now. I like to think the reason for that is because I am busier than ever now. Besides painting, I am doing shows, events, and other gigs. It was also like a progress report for myself and kinda showing others where I was. The old blog was also inviting and people left more comments (since of course you didn’t need to really login or register back then). It was simple.
[Dear reader, please leave a comment below or share. Feedback is greatly appreciated and would love to hear from you.]
Time makes you forget things and the present makes you either appreciate or focus on the wrong things. Being knee deep in stress, financial worries, what the future will hold and focusing on others the last few years… I’ve just forgot myself completely. What made me special? What made me happy? What made me laugh or smile? What inspired me? Who inspired me? Who was really my friends? Who is being real and who is being fake? Am I wearing a mask? Am I being authentic?
There was a time when I cared about how I looked. I was a tomboy growing up. I have been called everything from a “whore”, “Miss Piggy” to a “dyke” based solely on what I wore on a particular day. It came from society and even my own family. Eventually, just before I got married, I started to dress “down”. I wore t-shirts and jeans and that was it. If I was on a date, maybe I would wear a nice blouse and dark jeans. I rarely wore dresses for fear of what others would say about me. That and I felt uncomfortable in one. High heels drove me crazy.
Thanks to the pandemic, most are working remotely. The sedentary lifestyle during the Spring to Summer months had caused me significant weight gain. I was near my pregnancy weight. I put myself back on Weight Watchers and now have gone from 250lbs to 233 lbs. I did it for energy and health. I have found upon losing the weight I am getting attention again which scares me. I am taking each day at a time. Be kind to yourself. I am learning to do the same.
Much love to you all.
xoxo
-Mani
P.S. I dyed my hair magenta.